That's Not Fair!!

"That's not fair!!" This was one of my famous catch phrases growing up. Viewing the world from my point of view, I expected that everyone should experience life fairly. And by everyone, I meant me and my siblings. And by fair, I meant that we should all three receive the same opportunities, gifts, experiences, etc...unless, of course, I got the better end of the deal.

I am proud to say that I grew out of this childish and selfish state of mind. Or, mostly.

While I may not be crying to dad and mom to tell them how unfair things are, I do still have this attitude at times, and if I'm not careful, it can become an infection in my spirit.

It's especially easy to give into this attitude when things get tough. For the past month, we have been extremely tight financially. An unexpected change in our insurance coverage and finding out we owe on our taxes has left us wondering how we were going to make ends meet. We haven't gone into the red, and all our bills are paid on time, but any extra money has been sucked away to either medical expenses or taxes. And as I have worked out our budget for the next few weeks, I have tried and tried to make it work out but haven't been able to make sense of it all. Come April 15th, I didn't know where we would get our grocery money.

I wish I could say I have not failed to trust in the Lord through this difficult financial season. I wish I could say that I have thanked Him every day for this season, because I know we would see Him provide in the end. I can say that I have known He would provide. I have remembered how He has provided in the past and claimed His promises of provision. I even had peace in my spirit. But have I thanked Him in advance? Have I had an attitude of joy?

No.

What can I say I have done? I have looked at what other families have and envied how "easy" they have it. I have seen what other moms my age are able to do together because they have the money to do so.  "That's not fair!" I've screamed to God. Throwing a temper tantrum on the floor like a baby. Sheesh, how embarrassing.

On Tuesday nights, Trey and I have been going through Experiencing God for Couples. An older couple from church lent us the series. We watch the VHS lesson (yes, we had to borrow a VCR to do this, haha!) and go through the material together. We have been challenged in our walks with the Lord, individually and as a couple. This past Tuesday night, Marilyn Blackaby was sharing about a difficult time they went through in their earlier days as a married couple. She shared a verse from the NKJV:

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Ouch.

Here it is in the ESV, which is what I use:

"Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Seriously? Ouch.

I think most Christians know the last part of that verse: "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Oh, what a promise to claim! How nice that God would make such a promise to us, right? But I don't know that I've ever paid attention to the commands that precede that promise.

Do no covet.


Be content.


Trust.

Yikes. I have definitely not been obedient. He has been faithful, but have I?

So after the Lord's gentle but firm reminder, I have been focusing not just on the indescribable promises of God's provision for us, but also I have been focusing on being grateful, joyful, and content. I have repented of my covetousness of others.

By the way, as an addendum, the Lord has provided. Unexpectedly, from an anonymous giver, we have been blessed. Thank you Father, and thank you to the one who was obedient to the Father to help meet our needs.