A Lesson on Thankfulness

Over the past few weeks, Trey and I have been hit with some very unexpected expenses and needs. No need to go into details, but suffice it to say that we've definitely used our emergency account and lived as cheaply as possible. In all of this, we haven't wanted for anything, and I can see that now. But still, in the midst of it all, I lost sight of God's provision for our needs.

The other night I told Trey my struggles, wondering when God was going to meet our needs so we would be OK. Trey said in surprise, "What do you mean? I am thankful everyday for how He continues to provide for us." He then went on to list all the ways God has provided just in the last few weeks. Sure enough, Trey was right. We have had the money to pay for unexpected expenses, we have been blessed in areas of need or want, and we aren't just "making it." Our daily bread is supplied by the Lord. How could I have missed that?

This morning I pulled out an old pocket-sized moleskin journal my friend Natalie gave me when I was in college. At the time, I decided to use it as a journal of thanksgiving, recording different ways God blesses me and meets needs. Some entries are so cool, documenting unbelievable ways God provided for my needs. Others are just me stopping to acknowledge my thankfulness to the Lord. I wrote in this journal pretty consistenly for a while, but over the last year or so I dropped that habit. I think it's high time I take it up again.

As I was flipping through some old entries this morning, I came across this one from December 25, 2009. Here it is:

"It is Christmas morning 2009, my fourth with Trey and my second as Trey's wife. I sit here now filled with joy, reflecting over this year and all we have gone through togeher - the loss of my job, my graduation, Trey's struggles working at SWBTS, Papaw's death, Burke's death November 14, my passing the NCE, our loss of Bennett on December 9 (our first pregnancy), our first vacation to Nashville, our one year anniversary. It's been a year mixed with sorrow, heartache, joy, accomplishment, loss, celebration. It's been a year of struggle and companionship. It's been a year the Lord has carried me through many days.

I am thankful for all You have done for us, oh God. I cherish Your work in our lives. Even in the midst of all our recent loss, yet I will praise You. Both the just and the unjust, the redeemed and the lost, must face this world. I am thankful to face it as your child."

I was shocked when I read that second sentence - that I was "filled with joy." I wrote those words about 5 weeks after our brother-in-law, 32 years old, was killed in a car accident. I wrote those words about two weeks after our miscarriage. And I meant them, too. How could I forget God's goodness now?

This has been a reminder for me that I must cultivate the attitidue of thankfulness on a daily basis. If I forget to see God's work and provision for my life, it's not because He isn't doing so but because I am failing to acknowledge it. I hope to not make that mistake again, but in case I do, I can pull out this moleskin journal and remember again all His goodness to me. Thank You, Lord!